"I don't know, but I'm in the mood for a nice warm vacation. A place where I can see the sky and feel the sun beating down on my face."
"Yeah yeah yeah shut up. I don't need your help. Oh, I know! I'll go on a vacation to a place where I can see the sky and feel the sun beating down on my face. You never know, maybe I'll even have an idea of what to do about Mercution once I'm relaxing." Holden turned to his crew. "Ready the sails ye scurvy dogs! We're headed to Calumbia!"
"Arg, Cap'n! Are we going to the former location of the South American country or the floating nation in the sky?" asked a ghostly crew member.
"What's South America? Like Texas or Arkansas? No, stupid!"
"Never mind, Cap'n," said the crew member.
The ship thrust through the air like a bullet and within seconds they had landed at the floating nation city of Columbia, which was hovering just on the cusp of the Earth's atmosphere.
"It's been a long time since I've spawned here!" said Dlanor.
Holden pulled out his whip and gave Dlanor a good lashing. "Shut up! You're not going anywhere. I need somebody to watch my ship!"
"Holden, don't, BEEEEEEP BOOP, you think that was a little, BIP BOOP BAM, mean?" asked Holdution.
"Nah, he likes it. Dlanor's into some weird shit," said Holden as Dlanor shed a tear. "Now, let's go Douchey," he said, jumping down to the docks. "Hey," Holden asked "why is Columbia in space? It's supposed to be on Earth, isn't it?"
"Well, BEEP BOP, Columbia decided that it was going to secede from the Earth and venture into space. All that's left in it's former South American location is a big hole.
"That explains why it's so dark here. I mean, I can hardly see a thing. But hey, where is everyone anyway?"
"I don't know, BOOP. I was here just a year ago to open up the, BAP, Columbian branch of Holdution Land, BIP BAP, and this place was packed with millions of people. Also, it was never this, BAP BIP BAMP, dark. They surrounded the city with those big lights from baseball stadiums, but it looks like they're all dead."
"Well, where are the people who fix them? I don't see anybody," said Holden.
"BLAGHGHGHGHG!" a loud gurgling moan erupted from the darkness.
"What was that?" whimpered Holden.
"BLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!"
A large robot stiffly ran out of the darkness. At least, Holden thought it was a robot. Yet, inside a glass chamber in his chest there was a living, beating heart.
"RUN HOLDEN, BIP!" yelled Holdution.
Holden dashed to the right just in time to dodge the monster. It kept running forwards and stumbled into a wall. Holden ran to a nearby hot dog stand and ducked under it.
"HELP, BEEP!" shrieked Holdution. Holden looked around frantically for his brother, but he couldn't see him. "Holden, BEEP BOP BOOP, help!" screamed Holdution.
Holden looked towards the sound and found him. Holdution was grasped in the beat's hands and was being squeezed to death. Holden ran to his aid but stopped when he saw a red mass in the sky torpedoing towards the area. Holden fell to the ground and covered his head, singing the classic 'duck and cover' song to himself.
BANG!
The earth erupted around Holden, launching a cloud of shrapnel.
"Never fear, the Crimson Fin is here!" a voice shouted. Holden looked up, slightly confuzzled, which is defined by the Urban Dictionary as the state of being both confused and puzzled. BANG, BOOM, POW, SHAZAM! The sound of metal being pulverized filled the area. When the smoke cleared, there was no mistaking who the man was. He was wearing a crimson uniform which molded perfectly over his entire body, including the fish-like fin on the back of his head.
"OMG!" Holden screamed in a high pitched voice. "OHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!" Holden fanned his face, growing flustered and hysterical. "IT'S THE CRIMSON FIN!" Holden screamed in an ear-splitting tone.
"AHHH! MY FIN! BLAST IT! STOP THIS AT ONCE!!!" The Crimson Fin ran towards Holden, covering his ears. "JUSTICE, THY NAME IS FI--" POP! "NO!!! BLAST IT! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! YOUR SCREAM CREATED SUCH TENSION IN MY BRAIN THAT MY HEAD IS EXPLO--" The Fin's head exploded, splattering chunks of fin everywhere.
"NOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" cried Holden. "I killed him! I killed the Crimson Fin!!!"
"Ssshhhj, it's okay baby," said a kind yet somewhat revealing voice. The mystery persons arms wrapped around Holden in a warm, jiggly embrace.
"Wait a minute! JIGGLY!" screamed Holden. He opened his eyes to loot at who was embracing him. "AHHHHHh!" Holden screamed, for embracing his was his mother in the upper body nude. "MOM! What the heck?" Holden fell to the ground, dry heaving. "God damn, as in the things beavers put in the water, Mom! GGHHHHHH!" Holden heaved.
Cleopatra stood tall and menacing, her breasts jiggling and swinging to and fro. "Watch your language young man!"
"PUT A--GHHHHHHHH--A--GHHHHHHHHHH--PUT A SHIRT--GHHHHHHH--PUT A FREAKING--GHHHHHHHH--SHIRT ON MOM!!!" Holden was laying on the ground, having broke into a cold sweat. His eyes rolled back into his head.
"Holden, I am your mother. You should look at me as a thing of beauty, not a monster. I guess you just don't love me," said Cleopatra, beginning to slouch, gravity carrying her breasts downward.
Just then, Holdution stood up from a pile of broken metal, rubbing his head. "Wow, that, BEEEEEEEEP! Oh no! BOOP BEEEEP! HOLDEN!!!" he screamed. "I'M SHORT CIRCUITING INTO MERCUTION MODE! RU, RU, RU, RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN N N N N N B B B B B BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"
BANG!
A loud explosion centered around Holdution, shaking the earth. Out of the smoke, Holden saw Holdution growing to enormous sizes.
"MOMMY NEEDS CLOTHS!" Holdution screamed, storming over to Holden and his mother, still arguing about her choice of apparel. "MOMMY BEING SCARY!!" he screamed, lifting his foot. "NIGHYT NIGHT, MOMMY!" He slammed his foot down, crushing her flat. "NOW IT'S BROTHER'S TURN!"
Holdution picked up Holden and brought him mere inches from his face. Holden had no choice. He lifted his hand and reached up for the nose ring on Holdution's face.
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