"Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
"Ill tell you how I became the prince of a time called fut-ure
"In West Future Town, born and raised
In the future where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all shooting some future-ball outside of the school
"When a couple of cells who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my mom's appendix
She got one little cancer, and I got scared
And I said 'I'm going to the tourney to win some money'
"I whistled for a bus, and when it come near
The license plate said 'fresh' and had an Addicus Finch in the mirror
If anything I could say that this bus was unique
But I thought, nah, forget it, yo homes to the MME!
"I pulled up to the tourney about seven or eight
And I yelled to the driver,
'Yo, Flobgongahogin, smell ya later!'
Looked at the tourney, I was finally there
To kill everyone as the prince of fut-ure"
So after that, stuff went bananas. I won the MME and stopped an alien invasion, but in the process I caused Mercution's return by method of alien symbiote bondage. Long story short, I went to a Chinese rocket yard that I thought was abandoned because the country was overrun but robots. I then launched the symbiote into the endless void known as future space. Well, apparently I was misguided in my idea that China had been destroyed, and about ten seconds later I was arrested.
So that's how I spent the past one-hundred years. It was my twelvedy-seventh birthday. Yolo, right?
Just then a knock was knocked on Holden's cell door.
"你好嗎, Holden," asked Admiral Zhao.
"My egg roll is awful, thanks for asking."
"僅僅因為我是中國人，並不意味著我總是在談論蛋捲," responded Zhao. "這是種族主義。見我們做什麼？我們覆蓋我們的基地."
"Cool it, Confucius!" Holden shouted. "I'm an old man now. My taste buds are not what they used to be."
Indeed, Holden was an old man. His once black hair had turned silver. His smooth as a baby's bottom face was no longer smooth as a baby's bottom. He was a wrinkly mess.
"來," said Zhao.
"Okay, I'll follow you." Holden stood, but suddenly both of his hips broke.
"你也是," said Admiral Zhao as he picked up Holden, carrying him down a long corridor and up a flight of stairs. They were climbing for ten hours before they reached the top. When they had finally made it, Holden used his demigod powers to fly out of the admiral's arms.
"Thanks for the lift, Zhao! LOL, I made you carry me up the stairs. Get it? I can fly, so you didn't really need to carry me. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!"
"哦，不，我已經死了!" shouted Zhao, but then he fell down dead, a shuriken in his back.
"What the freakin' flip?" Holden asked.
"Hold still, Holden," said the voice of a far-east angel. A white light--a very familiar light in fact--washed over Holden. It was the light of the Age Decompiler! Holden looked down to see his youthful, adolescent body. He looked just like he did on the first day of the MME, though he was still missing his hand.
"男孩哇感謝," Holden said.
"Do not be alarmed, Holden. It is I, Jackie Chan, king of Future China."
"I loved Shanghai Noon," Holden responded. "Rush Hour 1 and 2 were alright, but not 3. That one kinda lost me. I mean, going to France? What's up with that?"
"I know, Holden. Nobody liked Rush Hour 3," said Chan. "Now, listen up. Remember how you tried to kill Mercution? Don't answer that, I know you do. It turns out you didn't actually kill him. You merely sent him across the future galaxy. He has been living on an asteroid for the past century. Recently, that asteroid crashed on Mercury, which he has taken over and named Mercution-ury. Basically, since you caused all of this, I'm making you stop it. Got it? Good, okay. Here's a rocket," he said as he pointed to a blue and red rocket that reminded Holden of one of his favorite poorly-animated children's shows.
"Thanks, bro!" Holden shouted.
"I have pre-programmed the coordinates to go to Planet Robot, where you are to acquire anything you need to defeat Mercution. Ready, GO!" he shouted as he shoved Holden into the rocket.
"But hold up one second! Ain't no way I'm going to space like this! There ain't no roof, yo!"
"Shut up!" said the king of Future China. "Everyone knows there's air in future space." He pushed the button and the rocket soared into the sky.
Return Home
"Cool it, Confucius!" Holden shouted. "I'm an old man now. My taste buds are not what they used to be."
Indeed, Holden was an old man. His once black hair had turned silver. His smooth as a baby's bottom face was no longer smooth as a baby's bottom. He was a wrinkly mess.
"來," said Zhao.
"Okay, I'll follow you." Holden stood, but suddenly both of his hips broke.
"你也是," said Admiral Zhao as he picked up Holden, carrying him down a long corridor and up a flight of stairs. They were climbing for ten hours before they reached the top. When they had finally made it, Holden used his demigod powers to fly out of the admiral's arms.
"Thanks for the lift, Zhao! LOL, I made you carry me up the stairs. Get it? I can fly, so you didn't really need to carry me. LOLOLOLOLOLOL!"
"哦，不，我已經死了!" shouted Zhao, but then he fell down dead, a shuriken in his back.
"What the freakin' flip?" Holden asked.
"Hold still, Holden," said the voice of a far-east angel. A white light--a very familiar light in fact--washed over Holden. It was the light of the Age Decompiler! Holden looked down to see his youthful, adolescent body. He looked just like he did on the first day of the MME, though he was still missing his hand.
"男孩哇感謝," Holden said.
"Do not be alarmed, Holden. It is I, Jackie Chan, king of Future China."
"I loved Shanghai Noon," Holden responded. "Rush Hour 1 and 2 were alright, but not 3. That one kinda lost me. I mean, going to France? What's up with that?"
"I know, Holden. Nobody liked Rush Hour 3," said Chan. "Now, listen up. Remember how you tried to kill Mercution? Don't answer that, I know you do. It turns out you didn't actually kill him. You merely sent him across the future galaxy. He has been living on an asteroid for the past century. Recently, that asteroid crashed on Mercury, which he has taken over and named Mercution-ury. Basically, since you caused all of this, I'm making you stop it. Got it? Good, okay. Here's a rocket," he said as he pointed to a blue and red rocket that reminded Holden of one of his favorite poorly-animated children's shows.
"Thanks, bro!" Holden shouted.
"I have pre-programmed the coordinates to go to Planet Robot, where you are to acquire anything you need to defeat Mercution. Ready, GO!" he shouted as he shoved Holden into the rocket.
"But hold up one second! Ain't no way I'm going to space like this! There ain't no roof, yo!"
"Shut up!" said the king of Future China. "Everyone knows there's air in future space." He pushed the button and the rocket soared into the sky.
Return Home
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