Tuesday, February 7, 2017

The Ninth Day of Christmas


     The room was overflowing with tension as the group began to put all the pieces together. Hugo was the first to speak.

     "Wait just in minute. You are telling me that el Santa Claus and all of his los elves are just Dlanor?"

     "Ugh," Holden rolled his eyes. "This is why I'm an atheist. All of these sacred religious traditions get sooooo corrupted by the mainstream media in order to turn a profit."

     "How are you an atheist?" questioned Dlanor 752. This was the same Dlanor that had stolen the peanut recipe. "You think your uncle is Zeus, Greek god of thunder."

     "Yeah, but that's all hearsay and logistics," responded Holden as he rolled his eyes again.

     "You didn't use either of those words correctly," responded Dlanor.

     "That doesn't matter Dlanor. Don't you remember the 2016 presidential election? I can say whatever I want without needing to make any sense."

     "What? No. Holden, that's not how that works. Anyway, you're not an atheist. You met Zeus when he was a member of the Trial of Tears Trio."

     "Wow, that's a deep pull Dlanor," Holden laughed. "Like, nobody is going to get that reference."

     "Shut your candy-asses!" yelled The Rock. "The Rock wants to know where The Rock is."


     "This is part of the Dlanor Relocation Program, or the DRP for short," said a Dlanor from among the crowd of Dlanors. "Dlanors can come here and work as indentured servants for a period of time on the condition that they be smuggled off Planet Dlanor and back into society."

     "Well say goodbye to your NPR! The Rock is gonna bring this place down and build his woman a proper tomb!" The Rock withdrew a slingshot from behind his muscular back and pointed it at Dlanor 752.

     "I'll help you destroy this place as long as I get my secret peanut recipe back!" said GWC in agreement.

     "Not so rapido, mis amigos," said Hugo sternly. He pulled out two pistolas and pointed them at The Rock and George Washington Carver. "I can't let you destroy this workshop. It would ruin Navidas por all the ninos y ninas of the world."

     GWC pulled out on of those prank peanut jars that shoot springy things out when you open the lid. He pointed it at Dlanor. "Find. I  won't destroy this workshop as long as I get my recipe back! I can see it sticking out of your back pocket as we speak, Dlanor."

     "Hey wait a minute," said Holden. "I forgot why I came here in the first place. OH RIGHT! None of you showed up to my lit xmas jam! That's called a party foul and the penalty is DEATH!"

     Holden drew his wand and glared at everyone in the room. Hundreds of Dlanors began to encircle the intruders.

     "Someone call a park ranger because this situation is getting in-tents." Carl had just climbed down into the workshop through the massive hole in the ceiling. "Y'all just been Carled." He turned to the camera. "Or should I say, Yule just been Carled! Boom. In a shocking turn of events, the Spirit of Christmas is still missing and our heroes find themselves in a Mexican standoff. Man, the last time I was around so much anger and death threats I was at Christmas with my in-laws! KA-BOOM! Relatable family holiday humor!"

The Tenth Day of Christmas>>>>>




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