"It's good to be home," he said.
Holden looked around and realized that he was right outside of his home in West Future Town. He checked his pocket watch. 86:29 future future military future hours on the future dot. He was just in time for the bus.
Just then, a bus drove through his living room wall. He jumped onto the back and climbed through an open window, crouched to the floor of the bus, and hid behind a seat in the back.
"WHY BOY! ARE YOU BREAKING INTO THIS BUS?!" Addicus said. Holden looked up to find the old man glaring down at him from the seat.
"Yes sir, now please keep it down or my past self will--"
"HAVE YOU BEEN KILLING MOCKING BI--" he began to shout.
"No Addicus!" Holden interrupted harshly. "I have not been killing mockingbirds, but I think he might have," said Holden pointing at his younger self, who was standing outside of the bus, ready to go to the MME.
"Hey, you!! What's your name, stupid?!" Holden's past self shouted. The man turned to face him, glaring. "I mean... YOLO."
The two continued on with their conversation as Holden crouched in the back, reminiscing. Suddenly, the bus came to a halt and past Holden left the bus. He was off to become the winner of the MME tournament.
Just then, Holden remembered that he was bleeding profusely from where his hand had once been. He looked down and saw a steady stream of blood waterfalling to the ground.
"Oops!" Holden said. "Hey Addicus, you got a bandage?"
"Nope. I don't give bandages to bird killers," Addicus Finch said matter-of-factly.
"Whatevs Addicus. Do you know anybody who could help me?"
"George Washington Carver might be able to."
"Who?"
"George Washington Carver, boy! He's the peanut entrepreneur wizard from the past who one day, in 1943, fell down his stairs. But these weren't any ordinary stairs. They were future stairs that had been left behind by the aliens in the 1920s. He brought with him the magical peanut plant used to cure hunger in all bars and barbershops across the world. Maybe he magic peanut could rebuild your hand."
"Um... sure," Holden replied. He didn't think this plant would help him, but that's not what he cared about. Something about George Washington Carver sounded very familiar to him. "Where does he live?"
"Up up up the peanut bean stalk. Up up up he lives. UP UP UPPPPP!!!"
"Um okay, thanks, I guess."
Fearing what this crazed old man would do, Holden used his arm stump, which was so numb he couldn't feel anything, to break the glass of a window and jumped out, landing safely on the ground. Looking around, he saw a tall peanut stalk that stretched high into the sky in the distance.
Holden climbed the peanut stalk, finding a tower at the top. He walked to the front door and rang the bell.
"Nobody's home!" a man yelled from the inside.
"Oh, okay," Holden said sadly, turning to walk away.
"Fine fine, come in," the ma shouted again.
Holden turned to see a tall, mustached, dark skinned, jolly man. He had a twinkle in his eye and just looking at him made all the bad feelings disappear. Holden knew this face, though he never knew George Washington Carver belonged to it. He always knew it by a different name.
"I'm George Washington Carver, and I know who you are. You're--"
Holden grabbed the man by the throat and pulled him close. "Hey, Pops," he said. "Are you ready to die!?!?"
Holden threw his father into the tower, shattering a chunk of brick into a bagillion pieces.
"Holden, what is the meaning of this!?!?" Carver asked, running at his son, jumping, and performing an air kick. Holden grabbed hold of the foot midair and threw the man to the ground.
"Oh, you know very well what this is about. It's all your fault!" Holden jumped, performed forty-five flips and a cartwheel in the air, and landed five yards from Carver.
"I don't want to do this, Holden. Don't make me."
"No, Dad, it is I that will be doing the this-ing!"
Holden raised his stump and screamed. His anger raised his blood pressure so high that he shot gallons of blood at ninety-nine miles per hour (baby) from his stump. The blood shot into Carver's mouth and his body began to inflate like a balloon. It inflated more and more until, finally, it stopped, leaving a large, spherical George Washington Carver full to bursting. Holden pulled out a pin and popped him. The pressure release was so powerful that Carver flew into the sky and was propelled far, far away.
Three years later...
"Three years ago I became the most powerful wizard wrestler. Three years ago I defeated an evil cult bent on world domination. Three years ago I saved the world form an alien invasion, twice. Three years ago I killed my father, twice. Three years ago a symbiote containing the remains of Mercution latched onto George Washington Carver's dead corpse and combined with him to create a great and powerful revived Mercution AI bent on the destruction of the future human race and, of course, future world domination. I am Holden Secretbees. I am the leader of the resistance. I am going to save the world, again," monologued Holden.
No comments:
Post a Comment