"I do, Captain," answered a tall British man in a black robe, walking out of the group of burly men.
"And who might ye be?"
The man rolled his eyes. "Imbecile."
"What was that?!" Holden pulled out his wand and pushed it against the man's neck. "What is your name, sailor?" he growled.
"Severus. Severus Snake."
Holden stabbed his want through the mans neck, breaking through the roof of his mouth, whisking through his brain, and finally jutting through the top of his skull.
"Nice to meet you," Holden whispered. He began pacing in a circle around the corpse. "Does anybody else know how to get to Planet Mustafar?" No answer. "Very well then. I'll use my trusty GPS to locate the planet." Holden reached for his GPS, only to realize that it wasn't in his pocket. "Oh man," he whimpered. "I forgot I destroyed it. I KNOW!" shouted Holden after sitting in sadness for fourty days and fourty nights. "I'll ask my ship!" Holden ran to the forcastle and shouted "Dlanor! How do I get to Planet Mustafar?!?!?!"
"Really?!?! Are you stupid? Planet Dlanor is one of its moons. We're right next to it!"
"What are you talking about?" Holden asked.
"Look up, idiot!"
Holden looked up to see Planet Mustafar, less than thirty seconds away. "Oh, that's what. Raise the sails, ye blumbering buffoons! We're headed to Planet Mustafar!"
Holden set the thrusters to ludicrous speed and the ship rocketed down to the planet.
BANG!
The ship crashed down onto the fiery red planet, sending chunks of wood splintering in every direction. Holden leapt up and dashed off of the ship. He looked all around, trying to figure out where to go. Planet Mustafar was a small planet. Most of the surface was covered in molten lava. All of the natural resources had been cleared long ago by various companies, and the planet had remained a wasteland ever since, or so Holden thought. Yet, in the distance, he saw a large glowing sign.
Holden decided to walk in its direction and realized that he was right outside of an amusement park built upon a large metal platform above the lava and rocky surface.
"Holdution Land? What the heck is that?" asked Holden, reading the sign.
"Welcome to Holdution Land, the galaxy's most popular and expansive future theme park, located here on Planet Mustafar."
"WHA!" Holden screamed and turned around to face the voice. He was startled to find that the only thing there was an animatronic rat. "Who's there?" he asked. "Come out now!"
The rat began to move in sharp jagged motions. "Welcome to Holdution Land. I'm Vikki Rat and I love you THIS MUCH!" the rat said, opening its arms wide.
"WHA!" Holden screamed again, delivering a swift round house kick to Vikki Rat's face, propelling it through the air and into a pool of lava. "Whoo!" Holden breathed, wiping the sweat from his brow. "That was close!"
"What was that, BEEP, for?!" yelled an angry voice from inside the now headless Vikki Rat.
"Who's in there?" Holden replied.
"Just a sec," the mysterious voice answered. "I just gotta--AH HA! Perfect."
The front of the Vikki Rat animatronic swung open, releasing a cloud of smoke. Then, emerging from the fog a strikingly familiar figure appeared. In fact, both Holden and the man looked nearly the same. They had the same brown eyes, fly Will Smith inspired haircut, and caramel colored skin. Actually, the only difference between the two was that the mystery man was half robot. The skin on the left side of his body was shiny and metallic, and what should have been a left eyeball was a bright red lightbulb.
"I am, BEEP, Holdution, BEEP BOOP, the owner, BEEP BOP BOOP, of this, BEEPEDY BOOBEDY BOP BOOM, fine establishment, BAP!"
"Whatever, Douchey. Don't scare me like that."
"My name, BIP, is Holdution, BOOP!"
"Yeah yeah, I get it Douchey. Do you know where I can find my brother? He should be about ye high," said Holden holding his hand at chest level. Holdution was a good foot or so taller than Holden. "He should look kind of like me, but far less handsome and masculine. He's probably kind of smelly, weak, and just overall really lame."
"I'm, BOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Holdution screamed. "Oops, I, BEEP, apologize that you had to, BOP, witness that. Unfortunately, I don't know of such a person, BEEP BOP BOOM! However, if you tell me more, BIP BAP BOP BABOOM, about this person maybe I could be of more, BIPPADY BOP, service."
"Hmmm. The only other thing I can think of is his parents. His mom is Cleopatra, the sexy Egyptian pharaoh who was bitten by a future snake that time traveling aliens left behind. This teleported her to the future where she got it on with Mercution, the bringer of all evil and destruction."
"Why do you, BOP, need this Holdut--I mean, BEEP BOP, your brother?"
"Wait a minute now, I remember! His name is Holdution. Hey Douchey, do you know a Holdution?"
"I may, BOO_EEP, but why do you need, BAP BOOM, him?"
"He's the key to saving the universe from the evil Mercution, whatever that means."
"Hmmm--BEEP--mmmmm. I see. Well, Holden, BOOP BEEP, you're in luck. Your buddy, BIP, Douchey here knows just, BEEP, where to find him."
"Really?! Well then, good thing I didn't kill you right away like I wanted to. Now, what are you doing standing there looking stupid, Douchey? Get a move on!"
"He's actually just over, BAAM, here by this dark, scary, BOOP, deserted, ominous, BEEEEEEP, shack." Holdution opened the door. "After you."
"Why thank you, Douchey." Holden took a step into the shack and his foot passed right through the floor. "AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh hhh hhhhhhhhh hh h!" Holden screamed as he fell farther and farther down the hole towards the core of Planet Mustafar.
"Have a nice sleep, BROTHER!"
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