Part 3: Chapter Three

     So it was settled. Holden was off to find the planet inhabited with millions of his worst enemy; Dlanor Yelsaew. That dog, always trying to stop him in his endeavors of world saving. At least, that's what Holden thought Dlanor was doing, but he didn't have time to really think any of that through. He had bigger future fish to fry.

     "Yo-ho, me maties! Set sail to Planet Dlanor," he said as he boarded the ship. His ghostly crew navigated the ship around the gamma quadrant and, after a short two months, they arrived at Planet Dlanor.

     "Dock us over at yonder port," Holden ordered, and his ghostly crew obeyed.

     They were lowering closer to the planets surface when Holden noticed something strange. The water looked human-ish. It also had red hair and looked real stupid.

     "It can't be!" Holden gasped, but it was. What he thoughthad been water was actually a gazillion Dlanor laying on top of each other in the shape of an ocean. "DANG IT!"

     Holden had the ship landed in the sea of Dlanor, who cried out in pain during the whole process. He hopped off the ship and landed on the dock.

     "Ouchie," said the dock.

     Holden gasped, "What in the hey!?" The dock was made out of Dlanor! "Hey, dock Dlanor. Why is everything made out of Dlanor, yo?"

     "Mrrruphumpff," replied Dlanor.

     "Oh, sorry," lied Holden as he removed his foot from the mouth of the dock Dlanor.

     "Whenever someone kills Dlanor, he gets transported to Planet Dlanor. One-hundred years ago there were only about ten Dlanor here, but some jerk started killing him for nothing more than sick pleasure and sport. Now killing Dlanor is the best thing since pre-sliced bread! Now there are so many of us that nearly the entire planet's surface is covered. We decided we wanted to build a better life for future Dlanors, so we built buildings, roads, structures, places of business, water, chamber pots and--"

     "SHUT YOUR STUPID HEAD FACE YOU STUPID FACE IDIOT HEAD STUPID DUMB DUMB STUPIIIIIIIIIIIIID!" Holden yelled as he stomped on Dlanor's face repeatedly!

     "Where the heck is your leader, you scum bucket?"

     "He lives on Mt. Dlanor! Please don't stomp me up again!" said the dock Dlanor as a tooth fell from his mouth.

     "Shut up," Holden said as he stomped him up some more. After questioning and stomping-up about twenty more Dlanor, he was able to discover the location of Mt. Dlanor. Then he stomped-up a few more, just for fun.

     Quickly, Holden boarded his ship and flew to the mountain. It was unlike anything else on the planet; covered in flowing rivers, lush grass, and flowers of every color both imaginable and unimaginable. Sitting atop its peak was an ancient-looking wooden temple.

     "Lame sauce," Holden said, hopping off of his ship and walking into the structure. The only light came from the torches on the wall. "Yo, Dlanor," he said. "Where you at?"

     "I am neither here nor there, up nor down, left nor east," said Dlanor's voice.

     "I hate riddles! Especially ones ripped off of previously used ones in a slump of low creativity!" Holden said as he pulled a torch from the wall and threw it onto the floor. The temple was set ablaze. He left and within minutes the temple had collapsed in a fiery explosion.

     "Arrugh..." said a voice from within the rubble. Holden walked through the ashes and grabbed at a burnt scalp. "Ouchers!" yelped Dlanor. He looked just like a certain dark lord just after a battle with a certain master who's allegiance was to the republic and who ended up having the high ground.

     "Yikes, someone took a stroll down ugly lane," laughed Holden.

     "Why would you do this?" asked Dlanor.
    
     "Because you killed my father, my mother's only love!" Holden said with the anger of a tiger.

     "Not her only love," said the crispy Dlanor.

     "Whaaaa?" Holden said.

     "Do you remember when Flobgongohogin said 'Flodgongohigin, gongoh, ogi, n!'?" asked Dlanor.

     "Yes, I do. Roughly translated, it meant 'Hey stupid kid. Did you know your real mom is Cleopatra, ogi, n'. But hey, how do you know about that? Have you been snooping on chapters you're not a part of?"

     "That's none of your business, and you didn't really complete the translation. What does 'ogi, n' mean?" asked Dlanor.

     "I don't know, I ain't no nerd," he said, cuz he ain't no nerd.

     "It means 'your borther is the key to saving the future galaxy'."

     "I don't have a brother!"
     "No, but you have a half-brother."

     "What do you mean?" Holden asked.
          "He is the son of Cleopatra and," said Dlanor as he paused for suspense, "Mercution!"

     "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO OOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO  OOOOOOO O!" whispered Holden.

     "The spirits have told me you came here for an army of Dlanor, but that will not win your fight. Seek out your brother. He will know what to do."

     "Fine, I will, but not because you said so. I just want to."

     "Fine."

     "What's his name?" asked Holden.

     "Holdution. He lives on the Planet Mustafar."

     "That's stupid. B T Dubs, I'm tying you to my ship like on of those mermaids that's always on the front of pirate ships."

     "What? No you can't--"

     Holden scissor kicked him in the head and dragged his body back to the ship, tying it up like one of those mermaids that's always on the front of pirate ships.


Return Home