Part 4: Chapter Four

     Holden came crashing down from the sky, falling from the portal created by the Age Decompiler. He hit the ground with a thud, Egyptian sand flying from all of his orifices. He pushed himself up from the soft grass he had landed on and looked around as his eyes adjusted to the moonlight.

     "Wow, that hurt for realz," stated Holden. "Where am I?"

     "That's a pretty good question!" exclaimed a tall man with grey hair. "That's the question Jefferson was just asking, and low and behold here we are!"

     "Who's Jeff Ersin? More importantly, who are you?" asked Holden.

     "Mr. Jefferson is our president, and I'm Meriwether Lewis, leader of this expedition. We're exploring the new territory of these United States."

     "Whatevs," said Holden. "Where can I get some grub?"

     "Just mosey back on over to the camp," said Lewis. "Our new cook is fantastic!"

     "Okay, loser," whispered Holden as he walked towards the camp. It took him about five minutes to get there, and as he was nearing the kitchen tent he was convinced he was only moments away from starving to death. "MY TUMMY IS EMPTY!" he screamed. "I NEED FOOD STUFFS!"

     "Well, you best come on over to my makeshift kitchen. She's humble, but she'll get the job done."

     Holden dragged himself across the ground to the tent, his stomach convulsing in painful hunger.

     "I'm dying," he moaned.

     "Well that's no good! Here you go, stranger. This should help," said the man. His face was hidden behind a cloud of smoke rising from his cauldron. "I made you some rock soup with a side of grass salad," he said, handing Holden a bowl, which he graciously accepted, slurping the slippery goodness down his slimy throat hole.

     "Thanks," Holden breathed between mouthfuls.

     "Wait a sec! Holden, is that you?"

     "DANGIT!" yelled Holden. "Why are you here, Dlanor?! Things were just going so well."

     "I don't know!" yelled an angry Dlanor. "I just respawned here after the last time you killed me!"

     "Well, why don't you make yourself usful and tell me where the Age Decompiler part is?"

     "I saw it near the buffalo, but don't think you can just kill me and go romping off to find it. It won't be that ea--" but Holden killed Dlanor before he could finish.

     "I don't need Dlanor. How hard could it be to find one buffalo? Those things are huge!"

     "Why don't you come with us tomorrow and find out?" asked a strong sounding voice, a voice that sounded like it could be the governor of Missouri. "I'm William Clark. My men and I are going to hunt the buffalo tomorrow. Why don't you join us?'

     "Sure, sounds good! With so many eyes we'll be able to find it no problem."

     "I don't think it will be too hard to find the buffalo," laughed Clark. "We'll leave at sunrise. See you then!"

     "Sounds like a plan, Stan!" laughed Holden, who laid down and quickly fell asleep.

     "It's William," whispered Clark, a single tear rolling down his rough cheek.

     The sun arose into the sky and the search party departed to find the buffalo. Unfortunately, everyone had completely forgotten about Holden. Well, except for Clark. He had mentioned something about a 'colored boy' running around the camp.

     "Hey, where's that colored boy I saw running around camp?"

Nevertheless, Holden awoke at noon. He was hurt that his best friends in the whole wide world had left without him to go looking for the buffalo. He propelled himself into the air and flew after his friends. After about a half hour of flying, Holden caught up with Lewis, Clark, and their men.

     "What's the dealio, guys?" asked Holden. "You totally left me at camp!"

     "Look Merriweather! The Spanish kid is back!" exclaimed Clark.

     "What? I'm not Spanish!" yelled Holden. "I'm half Egyptian royalty and half peanut inventor!"

     "What?" asked Lewis. "No, never mind. Let's get moving. I need to do more research."

     "Well, here they come now," said Clark.

     "They? You said you were hunting the buffalo! I didn't hear anything about buffalos!" shouted Holden.

     "Yes. The plural form of buffalo is buffalo," said Lewis.

     "That's dumb," said Holden. "How many buffalos we talking about here?"

     "Thousands! These beasts are truly incredible!" said Lewis.

     "Cool! Do you hunt them and then use every part of their bodies to build tools and shelters and other useful things?" asked Holden.

     "Um, no. We pretty much just shoot them and take their fur," said Clark.

     "No! That's stupid," said Holden. "There are so many different uses. If you continually hunt them, soon there won't be any left!"

     "Who cares?" asked Lewis. "With all of this information we've collected on this new territory, we'll be able to conquer all of the wilderness! Soon we'll be able to rid the world of all of these foul beasts and use all of the land to build cool things like libraries."

     "Ooo, and coffee shops where angsty kids can read poetry!" exclaimed Clark.

     "I won't let that happen," said Holden as he executed a perfect double DDT on Lewis and Clark, killing them both instantaneously.

     "Now, where are all of those buffalos?"

     Holden flew into the air and looked around. To his left he saw nearly three-thousand buffalo grazing in a prairie.

     "Accio Age Decompiler piece!" he shouted as a hunk of metal flew towards him. "Gee, I hope that me killing Lewis and Clark doesn't have a huge effect on Future America," said Holden, catching the Age Decompiler. "Team Holden blasting off again!"


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