"Two-thousand five-hundred and fifty-seven days ago, I entered Doom Mountain. Two-thousand five-hundred and fifty-seven days ago, I killed Dlanor and that slippery soldier. Two-thousand five-hundred and fifty-seven days ago, I got hopelessly lost. Two-thousand five-hundred and fifty-seven days ago, I found a little cave in Doom Mountain and built a home. For the past two-thousand five-hundred and fifty-seven days, I have been slowly fighting Mercution-s dastardly AI minions, withering their ranks. Ten minutes ago, I heard the angry sound of grinding metal. Nine minutes ago, I noticed it was closer. Seven minutes ago, I took a big poo. Two minutes ago, I heard the sound of an army of AI on my doorstep over the sound of my toilet flushing. Two seconds ago, my door was blasted open. Just now, I wasted thirty seconds of my time thinking this and now they're closing in. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!
Recap Ended
Right now, I'm frozen at the top of Mercution's evil tower. I was about to be turned into an evil robot after I totally selflessly saved my mom on purpose, just cuz' I'm noble and what not. I thought after I shut myself down to stop the transformation that it would be like I was falling asleep, and I'd wake up when some super-hot babe gave me a smooch-a-rooni. No such luck. So, I'm stuck here just staring at the wall. There isn't even a window. Or wall art. Heck, there isn't even a door. It's just a blank wall. I figured that I would just reminisce to pass the time. I've always felt like there were people watching me and hearing my thoughts. So, creepy people inside my mind, this one's for you. Especially you, hot babe!
So, remember when I built my home inside the tiny cave and rebelled against Mercution and his dastardly Artificial Intelligence minions for seven years--if you're too stupid to remember, go back and actually read the part or the recap. Well, that's kind of a complicated lie. You see, I was too busy celebrating my slaughter of Dlanor and that slithery soldier to do anything serious like rebelling. It was party time, and this party, hot babe, is where our story begins!
PS: Just like all the great stories about handsome young men, this story will be told in the third person. Alright, hot babe! Let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
(Insert flashback sound accompanied by an image swirl here)
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